omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
