I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
