go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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