this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He uses pillows to masturbate.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
