I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
