There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
