He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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