Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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