and she was petting her beer can
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
