It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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