Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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