Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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