Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
