Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm going to jail i love you
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
