friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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