You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize