If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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