I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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