he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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