I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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