so that wasnt chicken after all
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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