If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
