remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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