I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
