woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
