Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
