I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
