it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
