She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
