Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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