Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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