shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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