I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
