someone threw a dead crab at me
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
