hotel room ftw
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
