I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
