Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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