Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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