idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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