yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
