i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
