I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
