im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
