i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm passing your future prison.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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