Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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