im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
