The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
