tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
