O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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