Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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